Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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