Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
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My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.