i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
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Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine