Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island