last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
