Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
