i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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