so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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