their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
