Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
