Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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