And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
