Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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