Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
