Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
