Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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