dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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