Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
