I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
