Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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