Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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