dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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