Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize