wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
