Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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