i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
