For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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