Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
