I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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