Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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