smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
