The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
