I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize