all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
