Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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