could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
