I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
