Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
