apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
