This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
