Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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