I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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