can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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