You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
