I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
