Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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