I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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