on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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