our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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