Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
