Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
