I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
