is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
