Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize