My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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