I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
