I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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