Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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