Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
