I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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