sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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