let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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