I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
