So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
