Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
