You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
