All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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