she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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