just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
