I want to make a zoo with you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
