maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
