i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
