dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
