im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
