wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who died my cat blue again?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
