can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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