Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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