What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
bring money and cleavage
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
