kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
