So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
