put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
