I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
